Different - everywhere except skagway

A very cliche struggle that I've had throughout my life is the fact that i'm different from other people. I don't mean it in the way that Ariel felt like a fish out of water because she wanted to be someone else; i don't mean it in the way that Belle was the only literate person in a town full of idiots; i don't mean it in the way it's cool to be depressed and it's hip to say "no one understands me" or "i have low self-esteem." People do frequently understand me, and my self-esteem generally tends to be pretty high.

What i mean about being different is that I ascribe certain labels to myself (or they are attributed to me by forces outside of me) and as a result people tend to assume that I am the stereotype that goes along with that. I almost never am. Christian doesn't mean I dislike gay people or disbelieve evolution. (For that matter, believing in evolution doesn't make me any less of a Christian.) Pro-life doesn't mean anti-choice. Being a fan of Obama doesn't mean I support gun control. Being a smoker doesn't make me an inconsiderate jerk. Liking Grey's Anatomy doesn't make me an idiot.

(To be fair, though, i don't actually like Grey's Anatomy, i just watch it. A lot. BUt i hate it.)

Anyway, all this came to mind tonight as I was debating issues around religion in an INTP forum. My personality type is INTP, and INTPs tend to not be religious, so in these conversations among INTPs i tend to be the only person contributing who actually is religious in any way. And, because INTPs are all about logic and deduction, there is an overwhelming sense among a lot of them that anyone who has faith or religion of any kind lacks reason, intellect, and logic. It's incredibly frustrating to go up against that kind of absolute.

Because, to continue with that as an example, I happen to be religious. I'm just not most people's stereotype of what that means. Other Christians often don't see me as one of them because I don't fit their idea of what that means; non-Christians can't pigeonhole me because I often defy the negative attributes they stereotype onto Christians.

But none of these labels, stereotypes, and pigeonholes ever really caused me too many problems in Skagway the way they do everywhere else. I've been entertaining the idea of not spending the rest of my life in Skagway, but it's things like this that make that tough to think about.

I remember the moment when I realized that I could just be myself in Skagway without worrying about people's labels. I was at Moe's talking to someone who was gay. The topic of religion came up and this person asked me if I was religious. I hesitated. The person asked why. I answered with, "well, yes I am, but you're going to assume that because I'm a Christian, that I'm anti-gay."

The person I was drinking with looked at me like I had two heads. "Did you hear me say that?" No, i hadn't. I had just assumed that because so many gay people I'd known had been put off by the fact that I was Christian because they preemptively assumed it meant I thought they were sinners undeserving of basic rights.

That conversation made me realize that maybe I wouldn't have the same problems in Skagway that I've had elsewhere. Everywhere else I've been, in any kind of social circle or human construct (groups of friends; high school; college; bands; groups of co-workers; etc) I've felt like the black sheep. Before I came to Skagway I felt doomed to always be that one person who just didn't fit in anywhere else like the rest of people seem to. Then I got here and after a while started to realize that maybe this is where all the other black sheep end up.

There's just always been certain things about me, beliefs, views, opinions, past experiences, that I've been hesitant to share with people in any circles because I'm afraid that they'll automatically assume negative things about me that aren't true. (I have to face the possibility, of course, that maybe Skagway isn't any more accepting than anywhere else - maybe SKagway makes me more confident than anywhere else; maybe people care just the same amount but I care less about their reactions?) ..Anyway, there's certain things I've tended to keep to myself until I get to know someone so that I don't offend them, and so that they won't think bad things about me.

In Skagway I don't do that, though. I assert my beliefs whether or not I know the beliefs of the people around me. If they disagree, they disagree; we don't have a blowout or cease to be friends as a result. I talk openly about who I am and what I am because I honestly haven't felt like people have treated me any differently once they learn certain things about me. The only times I've ever felt judged in Skagway (SERIOUSLY judged in a way that actually matters, not judged by idiots for stupid reasons because they're gossiping and making up fake drama) have been the times that i've done things I shouldn't have.

So, when I first got to Skagway, I felt immediately like I could be who I am and not be judged for it the way people in the rest of the world seem to do. That's why I decided I wanted to live here as long as I could.